NEWCASTLE (AWAY)
Our preview of this weekend’s visit to Newcastle is a little trip down memory lane, thanks to Dan Tester
VILLA (HOME)
‘What might we be in for this weekend then? A much-improved performance no doubt, but it’s hard to see beyond a reversion to type: the classic 1-1 draw. Some good play, some missed chances, a goal conceded on the counter, the manager pleased with what he’s seen, the fans less equivocal.’
‘LIES, DAMNED LIES, AND STATISTICS’ - A POSITION ON THE IRRELEVANCE OF STATISTICS IN FOOTBALL
The cold hearted, emotionless prevalence of statistics permeates every aspect of our post-truth lives. Where nothing means anything unless it's quantifiable. .
LEICESTER 1 BRIGHTON 1
‘Mac Allister, once he’d dropped a little deeper, was even better. Has he played in that sightly deeper midfield position for us before? He was immense… peak Luka Modric level immense, dictating not just the positional play but the tempo as well. Can you imagine Mac Allister and Bissouma as a double pivot in the middle of the park. I’m picturing the Luka Modric - Casemiro Real Madrid Euro big cup winning partnership. Come to think of it Bissouma and Mac Allister could actually be Real Madrid’s midfield in couple of seasons.’
ESTEBAN ALZATE
We love Steven Alzate, we always have.
And to prove it we dug into the Dogma archive for some (slightly updated) words, first published in Issue 2, on our Colombian-Camdenian starlet
WOLVES (HOME)
Could be our last chance to do this for a while.
‘no-goals-from-open-play, an immersive experience, offering us the opportunity to fully inhabit Graham’s world for 90 minutes’
WEST HAM (AWAY)
‘Our moniker last season as the “all-passing, no-scoring performance art project” appears to be making a bit of a comeback. One day the stats men and footballing artistes will take over and football matches won’t be decided by such trivial metrics as goals scored. However, until this happens, you feel we might consider putting the ball in the actual net the odd time’
VILLA (AWAY)
‘Is the Witton Arms still standing? I guess the internet would give me the answer, but fuck the internet. Five minutes or so from the away section at Villa Park, and even with the split configuration (home fans in the part of the building that resembles a pub, away fans under a marque in the car park) it’s still a perfectly serviceable away boozer.’
BRIGHTON 0 ARSENAL 0
‘rain and wind whips and whirls around the stands. Occasional raindrops, reflecting the flood lights, sparkle. Paella, Estrella.’
BRIGHTON 2 SWANSEA 0
‘if one’s wanderlust can be sated by a League Cup fixture against Swansea City, well, maybe it might be time to book a holiday’
A MERE PAWN IN THE WARS TO COME
Declan Rice, Jack Grealish, Ben White, Yves Bissouma all touted around like Oliver Twist on X Factor in a shop window in Amsterdam. Roll up, roll up, you've been plucked from obscurity to be judged by the baying mass. 'Do a little dance for us, that's it, show us your highlights reel' 'how much is he worth? 50 million?' 'no chance, 75 million?' 'they wouldn't pay that for him' ‘he’s exactly what we need’. How lucky you are, Football Twitter and some feckless pundit have decided ‘it could be you!’.
GOODBYE ALIREZA
‘Is it fair to write off his Albion career as a failure? £17m is a fuck tonne of money. But in the overall scheme of things - and bearing in mind that Premier League football involves throwing insane amounts of money at players and agents in the hope of achieving some minor incremental gains - I think Alireza can point to evidence of contribution. Something positive, in return for the money invested in him’